Wilderness adventure.... and Mickey the homophobic bigot

Yo yo yo Bacon Soupers, what the hell is up?

I thought i'd take a break from bashing Mickey the homophobic bigot and propose a little adventure. I think we should meet up at some wilderness location and have a great old time hiking, exploring and camping. The fallback plan is that we just go camping at our usual location........ And by fallback i mean this is probably what will end up happening anyway.

I just thought it would be cool to go somewhere different and explore the woods and creeks and hills and dales of our beloved Georgia. Doesn't matter where, just so long as i can go wandering around the wild for a little bit and come back to a warm fire and good friends and eat some delicious grub.

So what do you guys say? The weather's warming up a bit and even though most of your are pussies who are gonna say "it's too cold" I think we should do it soon. It could be somewhere that we could get to early on Saturday, spend the day exploring or doing some activity (other than throw rocks at trees which seems to get our neanderthal boys in quite a frenzy). Then we hunker down for a wild night of plunging our hands (and other body parts) into ice water and telling lurid tales from the past.

Oh, and we get to eat as much as we can.

Who's in? I'm sure even Mickey the homophobic bigot would back me up on this one. Oh, but don't worry Mickey, even though i'm gay i promise not to try to insert my penis into your anus while you're sleeping. Don't you just hate it when all "the homos" try to do that to you? Fuckin' queers.

by the way, that picture is totally not of somewhere in Georgia. It's Alaska. but i thought the breathtaking vista would inspire you guys to wanna get out and come adventuring with me.

homophobic prick

Victim: Mickey
Blog Title: So you’re breeding. What does that have to do with me, exactly?
Mickey says: The only good thing, if you want to call it that, was the favorable male-female ratio of approximately 25 to 1. Even when two other guys from this part of the building showed up, it didn't effectively alter that ratio, if you know what I mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Needless to say, I barely uttered a word the whole time because girls scare me, especially the procreating type.

Bacon Soup says: In his latest installment of "bitch, bitch, bitch.... Yellowstone, bitch, bitch, Mount McKinley, bitch" Mickey is, i believe, complaining about having to go to a baby shower or something at work. i wasn't really paying attention. Anyway, so halfway through it, he spews the above paragraph, implying that the undesirable ration of way more women to men was not made any better by the arrival of two guys "if you know what i mean."

Oh, i think we know what you mean, clever Mickey. That the men were gay or at the very least effeminate so their arrival was not a respite for you because it was just like having two more women join the group. we get it....... you're an ass.

oh, but he's NOT homophobic, everyone, because he makes sure to add "Not that there's anything wrong with that" after his little comment.

asshole.

Is patheti-sad a word?

Victims: Mickey and Courtney
Blog Title: Bonjour de La Plus Jolie Serveuse Denny's
Mickey says: The weekend went by Wii-free, once again. I'll get punched in the arm or worse later on for saying it, but Courtney's Great Wii Hunt of 2008 has become a source of amusement for me.

Bacon Soup says: Just when i thought these two losers couldn't get any more pathetic, they manage to reach a whole new low. Apparently Courtney is desparately seeking a Wii so she can become like all the other video game geeks and start flialing about her living room in front of the television screen while the corresponding digi-character mimics her movements in such thrilling escapades as bowling and golf.

But don't be too quick to judge her, Mickey. I'm sure if my significant other was hopelessly addicted to blogs and living vicariously through other people's experiences, I'd seek some sort of escape too. I mean, at this point i think it would just be easier for you two to make a pact and drink some bleach together but i guess getting sucked into the inescapable vortices of Wii and the internet is pretty much the same thing.

fuckin' losers.

"Greatness" my ass

Victim: Mickey
Blog Title: Fleeting contact with greatness
Mickey says: Dick Cheney- Dicks lives just outside Grand Teton National Park. Dick doesn't pay entrance fees to National Parks because Dick doesn't stop at entrance stations. Something about being a likely spot for an ambush. How true. Actually, Dick just sped by me in a convoy of black Suburbans. I know other folks who greeted Dick's "visits" by turning their backs, but I decided to just stoneface him under my ranger hat and shades. Dick.

Bacon Soup says: In this gem of a post, Mickey lists a number of people who he claims are the "celebrities" he's met. The list starts with Dick Cheney and goes down from there so you can imagine the D-listers he named. From Mr. Sandra Bullock, Jesse James to comedian Doug Stanhope, the list reads like a virtual who's who of Hollywood Squares or Celebrity Fit Club. And not even the usual C-list Hollywood Squares or Celebrity Fit Club, but the people who they call when Gary Coleman of "Different Strokes" or wrestler "Chyna" turn them down at the last minute. Yeah, those people.

The only person on the list I'd say was a REAL celebrity was Jeff Gordon. He's very popular, has thousands upon thousands of fans, is CURRENTLY WORKING and is easily recognizable. Plus he may one day father my children but that's beside the point. Other than ol' JG, however, the other names are pretty much unrecognizable. Let's just say we won't be seeing them on the red carpet at the Oscars anytime soon.

I can't believe Mickey started out the list with Dick Cheney. First of all, I would never actually acknowledged that i had come in contact with that man. Secondly, Mickey just saw him speed by in a caravan of SUVs. Does that even count? I guess i'll give that one to Mickey, though. He has so little else to live for.

But go ahead and read the post. It's entertaining if nothing else. Remember to leave nasty comments.

Another bacon sighting on the net

Hey kids, once again Bacon Soup - via its parent company Severo Avila - has made an auspicious appearance in a widely-read Blog.

Here's the mention courtesy of whateverhappenedtoschoolhouserock:

"She wrote back and said she had talked with one of my references (thanks again Sevy!)"

Click on the blog title to read the entire post. It's pretty lame... something about this weird couple in Northwest Georgia getting a new dog or something BUT then it makes a reference to me, Severo Avila. It's very exciting. Check it out.

Reel beauty vs. Real beauty

It is in our nature to be fascinated by - and drawn to - beauty. I read an article recently that analyzed the changes hollywood has gone through to reflect the changing standards of beauty. Sexist though it may be, women have always been held to a higher standard of beauty than men have.

Aesthetic beauty is subjective, i suppose. But for their age, i have always felt that Catherine Zeta Jones, Sophia Loren and Catherine Deneuve are among some of Hollywood's most enduring beauties. Loren is 74 and Deneuve 65. And while Zeta-Jones is only 40 I think that she has managed to set herself apart from her contemporaries simply by embracing her figure at a time when Hollywood would prefer that she slim down and have things nipped and tucked. Her photo is of the October 2007 issue of Japanese Bazaar. I think for 40 she looks incredible. The photos of Loren and Deneuve are also recent. Of course in their primes, all three were stunning. But even now they maintain a glow and confidence that gives an air of elegance which I find incredibly attractive in a woman.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that since i view the female body differently than many of my male counterparts, i think i can appreciate things about these women that some men cannot.

I don't like to use the terms "healthy-looking" or "unhealthy-looking" anymore because who am i to say someone looks unhealthy? I'll just say that while some men appreciate the thin and svelte, i feel a more solid silhouette is more attractive. I prefer the more statuesque to the slim and a little fuller figure to the slight.

But here's to beauty in all its forms.

your thoughts ......

I guess to a geek it's like winning the superbowl

Victim: Jacob the beer guzzling dork
Blog Title: Middle School Domination: Or, Suck It Beeyotch!
Jacob says: Near the end of the competition, I started to relax, but by that time, my group's point total was unreachable. The final score was something like a googeplex to three or something. I was that good. I had nearly single-mindedly (and single-thumbedly!) led our team to a come-from-behind Olympic win....

Bacon Soup says: I believe we've hit the motherload with this one. Thank you anonymous source for pointing out Jacob's post today. First off, he uses the word i've previously reprimanded Courtney for using - "beeyotch". I think this is a really really stupid word that no educated person should use, but let's get to the heart of the matter.

In this post, Jacob reminisces about a middle school victory in some little academic bowl or mathletic competition or something. It's not even a recent event or something current that he can brag about. He has to reach back all the way to middle school to find something that will make is wretched existence seem less like an abysmal failure that it has become. No offense, Jacob.
The sad part is he's been clutching to this one moment of victory for 20 years......My God, that's incredibly sad.

The "meat" of the post, as he calls it, is Jacob's memory of he and his little red-headed nerd friend Hank's bitter mental rivalry. Anyway, so apparently Jacob uses his mighty intellect to single-handedly and triumphantly lead his middle school team of glasses-wearing, Jordash jeans-sporting, library card-carrying, band camp-attending uber-geeks to victory.

Again, from his description of the event, Jacob clearly holds this as the highlight of his life. The post is a must read simply because it puts everything that Jacob is and does into perspective.

Please read his post and leave nasty comments.