Mayjah news Bacon Soupers,
Bacon Soup Inc. is moving to a bigger office space. We've outgrown our current surroundings. Actually, our roomate, Steven is getting married unfortunately so we have to move and even though we've tried tirelessly to break up he and his fiance Heather, it aint looking good... something about "love" and "undying commitment" or some sappy shit like that.
Soooooo we're leaving our beautiful woodvalley terrace home, complete with fireplace, quiet neighbors, swimming pool and creek running through the back yard and moving into a very "glamorous" one-bedroom apartment in the gated Arbor Terrace community. Bacon Soup will be eating humble pie ya'll cause this place is very un-Bacon Soup
But it's all we can afford (blogging pays very little) and we're trying to make the most of it. Hopefully when we throw our next soire it will be presentable enough for polite company. At the moment we have no furniture cause we got rid of everything when we moved in with Steven.
Things YOU should be thankful for today:
1. You're not Bacon Soup
2. Your home/residence has laundry facilities
3. You've got a couch
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
a sweet tale of love and sacrifice.... BARF
Victim: Mickey the homophobic bigot
Blog title: It could've been anywhere, really
Mickey says: Version 1: I (the protagonist, because this is my blog) decided in January 2004 to go with Courtney to Kentucky when she got a job at a newspaper there as a reporter. Having been completely listless and barely employed since my college graduation two years before, I figured "What the shit? I love her and I've got nothing else going on." So we moved in together two states from our previous Georgia homes.
Bacon Soup says: In this thrilling installment of "What I do when i'm not beating queers with a crowbar," our favorite hate-monger regales us with not one but two versions of how he and his captive...er girlfriend Courtney hooked up and ended up in Tennessee. It's a sweet tale of love and sacrifice which conveniently does NOT include the part about how Grand Wizard Mickey and his hood-wearing clansmen abducted an unsuspecting Courtney from the lush beauty of the great state of Kentucky and dragged her, kicking and screaming mind you, to Tennessee. Read it if you want but Bacon Soup thinks it's a cover-up to a more sinister tale we've yet to get to the bottom of.
Someone stop him
Victim: Jacob the pompous windbag
Blog Title: doesn't really matter
Jacob says: blah blah blah blah blah blah beer blah blah blah blah Madagascar hissing cockroach blah blah blah blah blah who gives a fuck what the hell i think blah blah blah bacon soup totally rocks blah blah blah
Bacon Soup says: Jacob has way too much fuckin' time on his hands. We at Bacon Soup would like to read all the blogs we critique but Jacob's is just TOO FUCKIN' LONG. So Bacon Soup readers are encouraged to leave hateful comments on his site until he keeps his posts down to 50,000 words or less.
Blog Title: doesn't really matter
Jacob says: blah blah blah blah blah blah beer blah blah blah blah Madagascar hissing cockroach blah blah blah blah blah who gives a fuck what the hell i think blah blah blah bacon soup totally rocks blah blah blah
Bacon Soup says: Jacob has way too much fuckin' time on his hands. We at Bacon Soup would like to read all the blogs we critique but Jacob's is just TOO FUCKIN' LONG. So Bacon Soup readers are encouraged to leave hateful comments on his site until he keeps his posts down to 50,000 words or less.
Monday, February 25, 2008
celeb encounter
Our friend Mike is a reporter in South Carolina and recently had to cover a Trace Adkins concert. He said the "Lonely Won't Leave Me Alone" singer and current Celebrity Apprentice contestant is a total "douche" and that he's very tall but skinny and his hair is long and grisly. Apparently he was very dismissive of our friend and did not endear himself to those allowed backstage to meet him.
Bacon Soup was very disappointed at this report from our credible source, especially since Trace is just the kind of guy we like at Bacon Soup. He's big and tall, wears a cowboy hat, drives a truck and looks like he can be a little rough in bed.
C'est la vie.
Like it or not, La Bacon is back
Bacon Soup is back. After a much-needed sojourn we have decided that we will not let our hatred for Mickey the Homophobic Bigot stop us from blogging. And now we don't care who we piss off. The purpose of Bacon Soup IS to piss people off so suck it up bitches.
And apparently while we were on sabbatical, you losers were typing up a fuckin' storm.
So here we go:
Victim: Mickey the homophobic bigot
Blog title: My girlfriend loves you more than me, but otherwise it was a good weekend
Mickey says: And Wii we did. Once our right arms were about to fall off, Courtney and I created bizarro Miis and played everything left-handed, the result being that now we each have a case of double Wii-arm. The really bad news is that I'm looking forward to going home and playing some more.
Bacon Soup says: When we left off months ago I believe the highlight of Mickey and Courtney's life was Wii. Now, months later it seems that the highlight of their otherwise uneventful lives is still Wii... albeit left-handed wii. Can someone just put these two out of their collective misery? We can either shoot them both or have Courtney have to sit and read 3 of Mickey's posts in a row. When she kills herself because of boredom then he will blame his colorless writing and hopefully take his own life which is pretty much in the shitter anyway.
Victim: Jacob the beer guzzling dork
Blog title: A Live Blog About a Live Blog
Bacon Soup says: You have got to be fuckin' kidding me. He's updating his blog every few minutes now? I think i would rather read Mickey the homophobic bigot's hate-filled drivel than a minute-by-minute update of jacob's wretched existence. But, whatever you need to fill the time between jerking off and cooking some fucked-up looking eggs is your own business i guess.
Victims: Meaghan and Chris
Blog title: What A Day
Meaghan says: Chris was outside working on the door he built for the crawl space. I helped a bit but ended up spending most of the day baby sitting the dogs.
Bacon Soup says: Wow. and i thought mountain-bitch mickey and just-discovered-video-game-technology Courtney had boring lives. But at least Meaghan and Chris are doing something constructive to their home. So i guess i can't be too hard on them. Although i don't know if the subject matter warranted a blog.
Victim: Loree .... and Mickey the homophic bigot by extension
Blog Title: I'm in the mood to gripe
Bacon Soup says: so what else is new? Let's see something mildly interesting on this blog for a change, Stark. Sure the renaming of frogs was a thrilling post by your co-blogger Laura. And how could we not swoon at your discovery of a Zappo's outlet in Shepherdsville, Kentucky. But spice it up a bit. Where's the sex? where's the scandal? You need to check out my former friend Mickey the Homophobic Bigot's blog. That's an example of what you DON'T want yours to look like. That fuckin' hate monger's stream-of-consciousness posts are ridiculously boring.
And apparently while we were on sabbatical, you losers were typing up a fuckin' storm.
So here we go:
Victim: Mickey the homophobic bigot
Blog title: My girlfriend loves you more than me, but otherwise it was a good weekend
Mickey says: And Wii we did. Once our right arms were about to fall off, Courtney and I created bizarro Miis and played everything left-handed, the result being that now we each have a case of double Wii-arm. The really bad news is that I'm looking forward to going home and playing some more.
Bacon Soup says: When we left off months ago I believe the highlight of Mickey and Courtney's life was Wii. Now, months later it seems that the highlight of their otherwise uneventful lives is still Wii... albeit left-handed wii. Can someone just put these two out of their collective misery? We can either shoot them both or have Courtney have to sit and read 3 of Mickey's posts in a row. When she kills herself because of boredom then he will blame his colorless writing and hopefully take his own life which is pretty much in the shitter anyway.
Victim: Jacob the beer guzzling dork
Blog title: A Live Blog About a Live Blog
Bacon Soup says: You have got to be fuckin' kidding me. He's updating his blog every few minutes now? I think i would rather read Mickey the homophobic bigot's hate-filled drivel than a minute-by-minute update of jacob's wretched existence. But, whatever you need to fill the time between jerking off and cooking some fucked-up looking eggs is your own business i guess.
Victims: Meaghan and Chris
Blog title: What A Day
Meaghan says: Chris was outside working on the door he built for the crawl space. I helped a bit but ended up spending most of the day baby sitting the dogs.
Bacon Soup says: Wow. and i thought mountain-bitch mickey and just-discovered-video-game-technology Courtney had boring lives. But at least Meaghan and Chris are doing something constructive to their home. So i guess i can't be too hard on them. Although i don't know if the subject matter warranted a blog.
Victim: Loree .... and Mickey the homophic bigot by extension
Blog Title: I'm in the mood to gripe
Bacon Soup says: so what else is new? Let's see something mildly interesting on this blog for a change, Stark. Sure the renaming of frogs was a thrilling post by your co-blogger Laura. And how could we not swoon at your discovery of a Zappo's outlet in Shepherdsville, Kentucky. But spice it up a bit. Where's the sex? where's the scandal? You need to check out my former friend Mickey the Homophobic Bigot's blog. That's an example of what you DON'T want yours to look like. That fuckin' hate monger's stream-of-consciousness posts are ridiculously boring.
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