Victim: Jacob
Blog title: God's Promise
Jacob says: I'm going to win the lottery tomorrow. I'm sure God told me this while I was sitting in the dark with my door closed ...
Bacon Soup says: Now i am by no means an authority on our Lord and Savior. I don't purport to know his thoughts and whereabouts. But if i was to speculate as to the activities of the Messiah, i'm sure i could come up with a few things he'd be doing rather than visiting Jacob Johnston between classes. But who am i to say that the Holy Spirit does not frequent whatever middle school at which Jacob is employed? He or She has been known to appear in unusual places. So let's assume Jacob is telling the truth that he was visited by God. Apparently instead of revealing some great universal truth or warning him of the error of his ways or condemning his sinful lifestyle or perhaps even foretelling an impending apocalypse, God chooses instead to use this unique opportunity to let Jacob know that he's going to win the lottery.
Having said that, if you DO win the lottery Jacob, please remember that I have ALWAYS been fond of you and your wife Kate and your offspring (whose name escapes me at the moment). And i have always said to people that you are nothing if not generous. In fact, your generosity is surpassed only by your love of the indigenous people of the Americas of which i am descended.
Victim: Loree
Blog Title: A Museum After my own Heart
Loree says: ...but few of you know that my fascination about the J.F.K. assassination was once so strong that when I was 10 years old, my school sent me to the regional 4-H speech competition with a speech—a very compelling speech— I had written outlining the various conspiracy theories surrounding J.F.K.’s death.
Bacon Soup says: you know Loree, I really don't want to use this stuff against you. but you just HAND it to me. 10 years old and you're at a regional 4-H speech competition in which you outine the various JFK conspiracy theories. Frankly, i don't know what to say. I just give up.
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10 comments:
You do know that Jacob's wife's name is Kim, right? And the offspring is Evan. Geez Severo, if you're going to insult someone's spiritual experience, at least get the name of his wife right.
ummm could someone tell meaghan that me writing Kate instead of Kim and "forgetting" evan's name was part of joke? Cause i had just said that I'm really fond of Jacob. so it's funny that i would say that then forget his wife and baby's names.
It's ok Meg. Having a sense of humor is highly overrated anyway.
I was following you on that one Severo. Barely.
Oh, well then you won't care if I call you Sanjia from now on, right?
uuuh......you mean Sanjaya?
I'll have to hear you sing before I can make such a comparison. Also, you'll need to grow you hair long and wear a ponytail mohawk.
You left out the part where I claimed that Jesus was eaten by bears. I'm hurt.
Spelling it wrong is part of the joke. Who is not getting it now?
nice try meaghan
you're an ass... but I love ya!
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