Victim: Ryan S.
Bacon Soup says: Isn't it odd that although my goal in life is to make Ryan's life completely miserable, this is the FIRST time he's been a victim on Bacon Soup?
Anywho.... so we're all aware that our intrepid photographer idolizes Neil Bortz and will extoll the virtues of Libertarianism at the drop of hat. Well, in keeping with his fluctuating political beliefs, Ryan has purchased - "for his protection"- an AR15 air-cooled, magazine fed, autoloading, centerfire assault rifle. Yes, the photo above is of Ryan's "peace of mind."
Now before you get on your high horse and tell ryan that close to 50,000 Americans die each year from gunfire and that an alarming percentage of that number is CHILDREN, please listen to his reason for attending the gun show in Atlanta this weekend and spending an amount he REFUSES to divulge on his new weapon.
He says that he is certain that in the coming year an event "just like Katrina" will occur. And his first line of defense is this gun.
I don't know whether i'm sad that my friend thinks this way or that he's among millions of Americans who think the exact same thing.
IF bacon soup had a heart...... it would be broken :(
And if you thought this couldn't get any better: I'm so glad I have witnesses for this part cause believe me, I COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP. So at lunch today i was telling Chris Marr and Meaghan about the gun. Ryan was there and was explaining his reasons for purchasing his new weapon (each of which i pretty much made fun of, which i suppose is a bit unfair since Ryan honestly believes that he may one day need to blow a hole into a person or zombie trying to attack him). Anyway, so we were discussing gun control in general, with all of us giving anecdotes or experiences, when i said "but Ryan, even if there was a REMOTE possibility that someone tried to break into your home, i could at the most see myself purchasing a tazer. But I'd even say a small handgun might be necessary in some cases. But that's only with the proper training. Do YOU have any kind of weapon safety training for this assault rifle?"
To which Ryan responded - totally seriously (and Chris and Meaghan can attest to this)......
"Well I've got a merit badge from Scouts."
11 comments:
Great, so if some great catastrophe comes our way, Ryan is going to shoot me for a can of pees. Awesome! I should have chosen my friends more wisely...
Jesus Christ. I hope I'm not around when Ryan inevitably accidentally blows his own head off.
did you READ the part about him having the proper training thanks to Boy Scouts of America? He's totally qualified to operate this weapon.
Isn't there a law of karma or something that bad things only happen to you if you're unprepared? (Kind of like how it always rains and forms mud puddles right after you wash your car.)
That being the case, Ryan is now completely safe from zombie attack.
And despite all the ribbing, I reserve the right to join Ryan's militia when the revolution comes. (Remember, Mickey already has a great name picked out for his revolutionary army.)
Well, I own TWO guns for the sole purpose of protecting myself from zombies...and our government.
Sure, Chris, but in my army Ryan would be the only person absolutely barred from ever having a firearm. I can not think of anyone less equipped, both mentally and physically, to handle the responsibility of a gun. HOLY SHIT. You know the feeling you get when Ryan starts heading outside with a box of fireworks? This time it's lethal.
In fact, the idea of Ryan with an assault rifle is so preposterous it would make an excellent joke on this blog. Please tell me it's a joke, Severo. I fear for the safety of my frinds.
I am truely sadened by the comments made here. Just remember that you all will be fucked in due time.
Oh Mickey... if ONLY it were a joke. Like i said, i couldn't make this shit up if i tried. And having read that your army would ban ryan from having a weapon, i am now in full support of your revolution. And if you need insider tips, i have an uncle who has been the mastermind of successful bloodless coups in Bolivia and Paraguay.
Again, the ryan thing is NOT a joke. i repeat, NOT a joke.
I even have three guns (a shotgun, a 22 and 273 rifle), but I have no delusions that I'd ever use them in a home invasion, and he's not really going to get a concealed weapons permit for a freaking assault rifle.
You're just more likely to get yourself shot by the other guy than you are to shoot him first. Or to shoot some foreign exchange student looking for a halloween party.
I missed this the first time- Meaghan, you keep pee in a can?
Hah! I must have been in a hurry! But pee in a can could come in handy, like when you go to the beach and get stung by a jellyfish!
Post a Comment